Enough?
by moonlightfall
Summary: Reid Mills, father of Henry Mills, never felt like he would be enough for anyone. When his son brings his birth mother to town long suppressed feelings rise again. Will Reid be able to let someone in after so many people betrayed him? Mention of self harm etc. No magic/curse/ FTL


**Chapter 1**

"I found my real mother! I hate you!",Henry screamed and wiggled out of the arms of his father. Reid turned and watched how Henry ran into the mansion. He looked back to the blonde woman who was standing next to him. He had to look up to her because she surely over towered him for 4 to 5 inches. "You are... Henry's birth mother?",he asked and the woman smiled shyly. "Hi...",she said and Reid nodded slowly. "Would you like a drink?",he asked and started walking to the mansion. The woman followed him and sighed. "So uhm... when did you adopt him?",she asked him and saw the small smile on Reid's face. "When he was 3 weeks old. He looked so perfect and cute...",Reid answered and love was in his face. "What's your name? I never caught it." He turned to the woman and gave her a drink.

"Emma Swan.",the woman answered and took the drink. "Reid Mills.",Reid answered and Emma smiled at him. "Cool name. Like the dude from Criminal Minds... you even have his haircut.",Emma said and Reid blushed slightly. "I liked it.",he said and ran a hand through his hair. "It definitely looks good, Mr. Mills." "Mayor Mills...",Reid said quietly. "So... where is your wife?",Emma asked and Reid sighed. "I don't have one...",he answered and looked away. Emma's face fell. "Uhm... Impressive... how you raise Henry and be a mayor..",Emma said and Reid shrugged. "I have to handle it somehow... today is the day Henry found out he was adopted last year..." "How old are you?",Emma asked. She felt sorry for Reid. He seemed to truly love his son but he refused any love coming from his father. "I'm 30 years old.",he answered. "You wanted to adopt a child while you were just 20?",Emma asked shocked and Reid nodded.

"I felt lonely.",he answered. "I wanted to look. Just look. But then they showed me Henry and I fell in love... I know that probably sounds gay but it's like it is...",he admitted and Emma smiled. "No. It just sounds like a father in love with his son.",Emma answered and stepped closer. Reid's eyes were on the same height of her breasts and he gulped quietly. He quickly averted his gaze and looked into her eyes but he found himself unable to keep his eyes there. Emma smiled slightly. She wasn't one for dating smaller men and he obviously knew that. He looked at the ground and chuckled humorlessly. "I don't even know why I told you all of that...",Reid said and he rubbed his neck. Emma smiled softly. "Because sometimes stranger are the best listeners.",Emma answered and they sat down. Reid smiled slightly and then sighed.

"Thanks... for listening...",he said and shyly looked at Emma who nodded in return. They started drinking more and soon they were drunk. Emma leaned over and captured his lips in a soft kiss. He kissed her back hesitantly and cupped her cheek softly. Emma straddled his legs and started to kiss him more passionately and he placed his hands on her hips. Realization struck him and he pushed her away softly. "We can't. You are Henry's birth mother...",Reid said and quickly slipped away from underneath her and rushed out of the room. Emma watched how he bursted out of the room and sat down on the couch again. She was a bit baffled. He seemed obviously interested into her and suddenly he pushed her away? She stood up and followed him. She was a bit wobbly but managed to find him again.

He was standing in the kitchen and was staring down at a knife. "What the hell was that?",she asked him and he flinched. "I... sorry... I'm not ready for this...",he answered and sighed. "For what?" "What we were about to do! I just can't! It's wrong! So freaking wrong! My son hates me because I adopted him and it won't help our relationship! I won't endanger the rest of my relationship to my son because of a one-night-stand!",he said and slammed his hand on the counter. Emma flinched and Reid felt tears running down his cheeks. He wiped them away quickly and felt a hand on his elbow. "I'm sorry... I just thought... because you offered me drink after drink..." "That I wanted to sleep with you? You are beautiful, yes... but that doesn't mean that I want to... you know...",he rambled and Emma smiled.

"You are the first man who turned me down.",Emma said and kissed his cheek before she made her way to the door. "Wait.",Reid said and Emma stopped at the doorframe where she turned around with the help of it. "You can sleep in the guest room." He helped Emma upstairs and into the guest room where he also gave her a pajama and an extra toothbrush. "Thanks.",Emma said and Reid nodded. He looked down again. He was unused to women being nice to him. She pulled his head up and kissed him softly. He was reluctant at first but it vanished soon enough. He kissed her back and Emma pulled him to the bed. But he directly pulled away when he felt what Emma wanted to do. He shook his head and stepped backwards. "No...",he said and shook his head. Emma looked down ashamed. "I'm sorry. I'm terribly sorry... I..." "Save it!",Reid said and quickly walked away. He couldn't do it. No one should be able to come that close to him.

He couldn't allow strangers to capture his heart that quickly. The last time he had fallen in love the woman had destroyed him completely. He locked himself in his room and started crying. He walked to his bathroom and pulled out his razor. He took off his shirt and stared at his stomach. Many cuts were seen and he started to make new ones. His son hated him. He wanted to be with his birth mother and not him. No one would ever love him, just like his mother had told him when he was a little boy. No one seemed interested in him. He was just a weird person who somehow got mayor. He deserved every cut. He felt the blood dripping and put the razor away. He didn't look what he had done to himself. He just wrapped an towel around his stomach and walked into the bedroom again.

He laid down on the bed and cried himself to sleep. But even in his dreams he got haunted from the world.

_He ran to his father. He was dead. Henry Sr. was as good as dead. The only person who ever cared about him was now just an almost lifeless shell and nothing more. "Daddy!",he sobbed and held him in his arms. It wasn't fair. He was just 15 years old. His mother ran away after she had killed his father and now he had no one anymore. He cradled his father in his arms and then picked him up. He had to bring his father to his last rest. He just had to. He carried his father out of the house towards the hospital. He broke together when he was almost there. He was sobbing uncontrollably and people slowly came to him. "I need help!",he shouted and sobbed harder. He felt hands pulling him away from his father. "Daddy!",he screamed and tried to kick the person who pulled him away. _

_"Sh... It's alright. It's alright.",Granny whispered and held him against her. "He will die... He will die...",Reid sobbed and Granny shook her head. "No, he won't. Look. The people are helping him.",Granny whispered in his ear and he looked to his father. "My mother stabbed him in the lungs. He won't be able to survive... I tried my best to save him but I'm not enough... I will never be enough.",he cried and Granny rocked him in her arms. His father died not a minute later. He broke down and the paramedics brought both to the hospital._

He sat up scared and looked around. Sweat making the clothes cling to him. He curled up to a ball and thought about his dream. It wasn't a dream. It was a memory. He had woken up a week after the death of his father. He had been alone, well he still was. No one had wanted him. He hadn't been the thinnest back then and he had started to let himself starve almost to death. A therapy had helped him to stop the death wish. At least for a while until he saw his mother again. She acted like she didn't knew him. She left her 17 year old son staying all alone in a big city. Never caring what happened to him. He had seeked her out, the hope that she might feel remorse and would come back to him. That was the time he had started cutting himself. But he never cut his arm. No one should be able to see what he would do to his body anymore.

Since that day he avoided people. He studied politics on a small university. Maybe his mother would be proud of him if he became something meaningful. He studied hard and finished rather quickly his studies. He was finished with 20. The time he also decided to adopt Henry. The little boy who made his life a bit lighter. The boy who pulled him out of the suicidal thoughts he had. But like everything else his happiness shattered. Henry had found out about his adoption and started to hate him. That was the moment everything had started again. His self harm.

**TBC..?**


End file.
